I need to engage myself more. I sometimes feel like I just idle along doing my thing and I don't participate. I know the reasons are multi. I'm afraid of my thoughts being challenged. I'm worried I won't sound smart enough, or be able to articulately convey my message. In a particular case, my opinions never mattered before and were looked past and so I'm hesitant to even bother because it's not like he ever cared before. Part of that is that I don't agree with his point of view and I hate the conflict that surrounds it. I worry I don't have enough to contribute. I'm not great at thinking on my toes. I like to stew about things for a while.

Part of that is work-related. Actually, a lot of it is, but it spills into my personal life as well. I don't think I give myself enough credit. I've always been intellectually competitive and I fear the embarassment because where I was once at the top, I now fall to the bottom of the middle. It's sometimes easier (it's always easier for me) to listen and absorb than be the speaker all the time. I think that gets misinterpreted as having no opinion.

I'm not sure what exactly I plan to do to correct this and gain more confidence; to engage myself more in work and life. I guess with knowledge comes confidence. Maybe I need to acquire more knowledge to feel more comfortable. Hmmm

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